Fred’s Blog

I am addicted to coffee.

When most people say this, they just mean they are a little cranky if they don’t get their morning cup. But for those of us with severe physiological addiction, withdrawal is a serious, debilitating process.

I used to be a major coffee abuser: I would generally have at least two 6-cup espresso pots to myself, often more, every day. My fondly-remembered ex-wife got me into this; her daily espresso consumption was nothing short of prodigious. Occasionally we would quit cold-turkey, fasting from coffee for 3 or more days in an attempt to get the poisonous crap out of our systems. It’s not the kind of thing you try to do by yourself; you really need a support network to keep you going during the fast. It’s not pretty. Espresso addiction is a big deal; wimps who spend their days sipping that weak watery piss from Starbucks simply have no idea.
More recently I started weaning myself slowly from it. I got myself down to about 200mL of espresso per day (that’s a little under two demi-tasses), and last Friday I decided I was ready to take the plunge and do a purge. I resolved to avoid caffeine for three days.

I have learned from years of experience with this particular addiction that the withdrawal symptoms run in a daily cycle, with periods of normalcy and periods of sheer horror. The cycle’s intensity lessens day by day until you are finally a regular person again. For me, the symptoms begin around 10:30 am with a dull throbbing headache at the base of the skull. In the past it would encompass the entire head but this time it wasn’t so bad. Aspirin, ibuprofen and acetaminophen have no effect on this headache. Presently it is accompanied by nausia and a metallic taste on the back of the tongue.

Worst of all is the lethargy. I used to think the lethargy was a natural by-product of the nausia and headache, but during this particular fast those symptoms were not so severe (and I had no headache or nausia at all by the second day) and still the lethargy was debilitating. Both Saturday and Sunday I got up early, went for a run and did a few chores, and then once the cycle starting kicking in I was flat on my back for the rest of the day.

Towards evening, the symptoms start to wear down. I regain my energy and normalcy returns. One symptom that doesn’t quite go away, though, are the deep-muscle aches. Rather like you get when you have the flu.

Well, needless to say I haven’t given up coffee altogether. This morning I decided enough was enough; my three days were up and it was time to rejoin the human race. That very first cup of espresso after a fast is always the best.